There's an old Dilbert strip in which Dogbert (as his mystical poohbah alter-ego) is babysitting a small child while it's parents go out. During the course of the night, Dogbert does his thing - i.e. indoctrinating the child into his cynical, subversive philosophies of reality. When the parents return, they ask Dogbert if he changed junior, to which Dogbert replies "I certainly hope so."

To swipe from Ron White, I told you that story to tell you this one. As some of you know, hubs and I will be moving back to North Carolina (Asheville area) sometime this year as part of our ongoing "Return to Civilization" project. As part of that process, I have applied for an Americorps position in a literacy/tutoring program. If all goes well, I will spend a year molding and shaping the young, at-risk minds of Western North Carolina children in my own image.

Bwahahhahahahhahhahh!

Ahem...

Anyway, it's not a done deal or anything at this point. I've finished the application materials and they've contacted my references (who hopefully were able to allay any concerns regarding my suitability as an indoctrination specialist tutor).

For all of you who know me well and who are both deeply puzzled and intensely amused at the prospect of seeing me purposely putting myself in the direct path of small children, a little clarification is in order. My distaste for children gradually tapers off as they learn to speak (and consequently understand) English, and are therefore capable of such meaningful communication skills as, say, asking for things they want rather than just screaming at a bat-dropping pitch in a generalized expression of unrequited desire or understanding basic commands like "don't eat that dead frog" and "touch my microloan-financed fair-trade, organic, dark chocolate truffles and you will die where you stand." And there's a not-insignificant chance that I'll be working with older kids, teens, or even in an admin position within the program itself.

So why bother? Well, for starters, it's a great chance to give back some of what literacy and learning have given me and I'm all about the giving back. I've also done an Americorps tour before, and I really support the program and enjoy being a part of it. I've also done some tutoring and the like before, albeit at the college freshman level, and really enjoyed it. It'll be a great buffer job to keep me productively occupied while I get the feel of the new area. Plus, at the end of it all I'll end up with a little bit of money in the bank and another dash of funding for the next round of my perpetual "spin the wheel of education" academic dabbling habit.

In any case, it's all going down under the heading of "experiential broadening" and I think I'll do just fine. After all, none of my nieces have, to date, suffered from any inexplicable duct-taping events or gone missing while in my care (which, admittedly, hasn't exactly been that often). In fact, Diva Chic and I get along fairly well, now that she's in middle school and our tastes in clothing are beginning to overlap along the "shiny pink glitter" end of things. And, disturbingly enough, the middle one - Blonde Angel - has me wrapped around her sticky little thumb, although I go to great pains to hide the fact lest I be roped into babysitting for the lot of them. Little Bit, though, is still in that poop-and-scream phase that is beyond my ability to cope, but we'll be gone before she fully acclimates to human life so I'll probably miss most of the worst bits. But you don't tutor infants, 'cause, like, they eat the erasers and poke themselves with the pencils and stuff. So no worries there. And in classroom and other structured settings, kids are by default at least minimally decently behaved to a level that will allow me to meet them on some metaphorical mutually tolerable middle ground. That much I remember from being a kid myself.

I'll let you know how it all turns out. I've got an interview later next week, at which time I hope to know more. Crossing fingers.